Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
