I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
