I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Randomize
