Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Randomize
