I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
