Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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