new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
