Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
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