I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
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