and next time when you feel me up, do it right
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
