just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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