Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
