I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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