WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
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