u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
