That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Randomize
