I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
and she was petting her beer can
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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