I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
