Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
