I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
