There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
