Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
