I got chris browned last night
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
