Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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