I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
