Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
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