i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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