are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
