His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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