How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
