you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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