so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
