just tell him i said nine months
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Randomize
