Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
My brain says no but my pants say off.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
