i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
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