Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
