someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
