i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
you had me at cake vodka
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
