Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
