I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
