4 words: hood of his car
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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