hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Randomize
