Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
