Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
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