my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
pray to the hookup gods
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
