Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
God I need to hump something, right now.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
