I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
