im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
