I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
