I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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